Airports can kiss my caramel colored ass

Ok now I know it sounds like I am making these airline stories up, but let me promise you they are 100% true with no embellishments , I hate airports and they hate me. For my return trip back from Los Angeles, I knew that I had take the 405 to grt to LAX, I knew about the 405’s reputation of being the worlds biggest car park, so I gave myself a 55 minute time period to drive what would normally take 10 minutes, I jump on th 405 traffic is moving at a strady pace then bam, gridlock, that’s ok I have plenty of time, there is probably some type of accident up there, what is it with people always slowing down to a snails pace when there is an accident? You can’t do anything about it, you are not going to stop and help. So just keep driving, and stop causing traffic jams. Back to my gridlock hell, we chug along at a snails pace, when sure enough there is an accident, great now the pace can pick up, or so I thought, no we are still continuing at a Fema response time pace, now I am starting to get worried, I do not want to miss my flight. Finally I encounter the second accident on the 405, now traffic is starting move, I finally get to budget and drop of my rental car, except now the shuttle bus is running late, finally he arrives, but now the shiftless bastard is taking a break, I ask him can we leave seeing as you are running 15 minutes behind schedule, and I have a to be at he airport in 4 minutes. This muthafucker tries to hustle me, he says he cant leave right now, but if I take care of him he will, I’m in a hurry so I throw him a couple of bucks and we are on our way. I try to check in using the auto check in and it tells me that I cannot check in now, I flag down an attendant, she tells me if I run you can make it on the flight, only problem is, is that my gate is at the end of the airport, no problem I am used to running for a flight, I take of flying, I get to the security point I ask the TSA agent is this the right way to my gate, she replies no it is in the other section, FUUUUCCCKKK, a couple seconds later she informs me she is kidding, ha ha very funny motherfucker, do I look like a person with a sense of humor rt now. I go thru the x-ray machine, same drill as before, backpack on my back, pants in the other hand, and take off running, right as I get to the gate, they are closing the door, I yell stop, I’m on that flight, I get on the plane and start to breathe a little easier when I remember, SHIT I LEFT MY CARRY ON AT THE XRAY MACHINE. I in form the stewardess I left my other bag at the x-ray machine and I take off running again, luckily they did not turn my bag over to the bomb squad, I grab my bag and start running back to the plane. Second time around I get there before the plane is taking off, but they wont let me back on the plane, and I have to get the next flight.
Next fucking flight does not leave for another hour, and on top of that I have a 3 hour layover in Vegas. Ok so I finally am on the red eye from Vegas to Minneapolis, everything is cool, I have nobody sitting next to me, I can sleep on the red eye, the plane takes off and I start to fall asleep, the end, but no there’s more, a couple spys my empty seats and decide to sit next to me, thus waking me up in the process of their changing seats, but then on top of that the inconsiderate assholes put their dome lights on. YOU FUCKING MORONS, IT’S A RED EYE, PEOPLE ARE SLEEPING, MORE IMPORTNATLY I’M SLEEPING. SO now I am flying a damn redeye which will arrive in Minneapolis at 4:15, and I have to work at 7:30, and I can’t sleep because of some brain and manner deficient asshole.
This is why I hate flying